Friday, July 24, 2009

It's just my face.

As I've gotten older I've started to develop this fixation on looking happy enough at appropriate times. I completely blame this on all of the different teachers I've had throughout my life who have called me out on looking unhappy. It's happened to me a lot, with several different people. I've been called out of class by a math teacher, called up to the desk by a health teacher, asked if I was okay by a psychology teacher, talked with by a drama teacher, and on and on and on. And every time it's happened I have to try to explain that I'm really not unhappy, it's just how my face looks. My sad, sad face.
It was particularly bad at work. I would always worry that the customers would think I looked upset or unfriendly so I would become unnaturally peppy and enthusiastic about getting whatever it was they wanted. Probably in trying to compensate for my natural down-beat expression I ended up looking completely off my rocker.
"You want a sample? Sure thing!!" etc.
Birthdays and holidays are even worse.  
I love figuring out the best present to give to other people. However, any kind of gift-receiving gives me terrible anxiety. Even if I like it, I feel like I can't look or act enthusiastic enough. I end up trying to look doubly as excited as I am, which, in the end, probably just makes it look like I'm faking it completely. Birthdays are especially bad for creating this kind of situation. I dread the let's-sit-in-a-circle-and-watch-your-face-while-you-open-things ritual.

1 comment:

  1. Different cultures focus on different parts of the face. For Koreans (or I dunno, some Asian culture, maybe Koreans), its the corner of the nose. I don't think its polite not to look people in the nose now, and I've been told even my definition of eye-contact is just my eyes flitting about, returning to the center every now and then, to catch their breath. Er, blink, to catch their blink. I don't know.
    Light hair helps and helps and helps though, from what I can tell.